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I’m doing a little series of “things I wish I had known at seventeen” and this is the first! 

(I searched this up on Google endlessly at the time and it just didn’t turn up the advice I needed at the time.)

So, let’s go into big sister mode: can kissing cause acne? I just got this boyfriend, and now I’m breaking out like crazy. What’s going on?

I Have a New Boyfriend and I’m Breaking Out!

First love feels amazing! You envision first dates and walks through parks and milkshakes and all that. Unexpected acne breakouts were not supposed to be part of the deal! If you’ve noticed more pimples since you started kissing your boyfriend, you’re not alone. Close contact can trigger different types of breakouts, but don’t worry—there are ways to prevent them while still enjoying your romance.

If this is your first kissing partner, you’ll be relieved to know that if you break out from kissing one person, it doesn’t mean you’ll break out every time you kiss someone! Sometimes it’s something about the person — either a mismatch in skin oils or their stubble or their own breakouts. So it’s not that you’re allergic to kissing.

But, Morgan, I love him! Do I have to choose between him and my skin?

No! Just because this partner is giving you a breakout now doesn’t mean you have to either ditch him or give up on a clear complexion. There are simple steps you can take to protect your skin while keeping your partner in the picture. 

So: can kissing cause acne?

First, Make Sure It’s Not Cold Sores

Before blaming acne, rule out cold sores. 

Cold sores, also known as oral herpes, are caused by the herpes simplex virus type 1. 

Unlike acne, cold sores start as small bumps that become painful blisters near the lip line. They spread through direct contact, like kissing or sharing lip balm. If you’re unsure, a healthcare provider can help determine if it’s a symptom of acne or something else.

If it’s anywhere other than your lip line, it’s probably not cold sores.  Acne along your lower cheeks and jawline is most typical when kissing is the cause, and that’s not cold sores.

 Cold sores are incredibly, incredibly common: Johns Hopkins says 50-80% of American adults have the virus.  It’s possible to get it for the first time from kissing. It kind of sucks that it’s called a herpes virus, because it makes it sound like it’s this huge embarrassing deal. And if you got it from your partner, they might not even know that they had it. It doesn’t mean that they were kissing someone else recently. 

But really — most people have it. And it sucks to get a cold sore every once in a while, but it’s not going to ruin your life. It doesn’t mean that you can never kiss anyone ever again.  Antiviral medications can help manage cold sores and prevent future breakouts. You’ll have the virus forever, but cold sores are generally never as bad again as they are the first time you have a breakout. You shouldn’t kiss anyone while you have a cold sore breakout.

(Looking to the future: this is why, if you have a child, you don’t let anyone kiss your child on the face! That’s how many people get it/why it’s so common.) 

So, that’s the most serious/medical possible reason. But again: if it’s not on your lip line, it’s not cold sores! For most people, the cause will be something else. 

Skin Irritation from Stubble

Facial hair can cause skin irritation, especially if you have sensitive skin. If your partner has stubbly facial hair, that might be at the root of some acne or skin irritation.

 This irritation, sometimes called beard burn, happens when stubble rubs against the surface of your skin. The friction can lead to acne mechanica, a type of acne triggered by skin friction and pressure. Using a gentle cleanser and applying a soothing lip product with tea tree oil may help calm inflammation.

 If your partner’s stubble is an issue, suggest trimming or softening it with a skin-friendly beard oil. My experience with this is that 2-3 day old stubble is the most likely to cause skin irritation. Any newer than that, it isn’t really long enough to irritate, and past 3 days it’s no longer sticking up straight in the same way.  

Of course, your partner’s hair might grow faster or slower, or be coarser or softer. So the actual scratchy point in his shave cycle might be different for you than it is for me. But there is a scratchiest point in the beard growth cycle — if you can pin down when it is that your partner’s facial hair is bothering you, it’s easier to ask him to shave more or less. 

A few years ago, my husband was using a shaver like this: 

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And he was buzzing his beard to stay at that 2-3 day stubble length constantly. It took me a while to figure out why my skin was so constantly irritated, but it was because I was at the worst point in his shave cycle every single day! Once he adjusted the shaver by a couple settings to keep the hair a little longer, I was much more comfortable. 

For a newish relationship, I know that’s kind of an awkward conversation to have. Like, “please change your face for me”. But if it’s been a little while and it’s still bugging your skin, it’s worth talking over. 

Acne from Bacteria

Bacteria from your partner’s skin, lips, or hands can transfer to your face during kissing, giving you a breakout whether or not they have acne.

Propionibacterium acnes, a bacteria linked to acne vulgaris, thrives in clogged hair follicles. If your partner doesn’t wash their face regularly, excess oil and dead skin cells can build up. This combination of oil and bacteria can cause red bumps and mild acne. 

The best way to prevent this, in a perfect world, is by getting your partner to  keep their skin clean. Using benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid can help eliminate acne-causing bacteria. If you can get them to step up their skincare routine, that’s going to help you both out a ton. 

But if your partner isn’t willing to change it up, or if you’re uncomfortable asking? Just wash your face as soon as you can after kissing them. 

(Unrelated advice: if you feel uncomfortable asking your partner for small things in an established relationship, that’s something to work on. It’s important to feel like your needs matter and to invest your energy in people who are willing to meet your needs.) More on all that in a second.

So, if you’re getting major acne, not just irritation, it might well be from bacteria on their skin. 

Acne from Skin Oils

Your skin’s natural oils help maintain healthy skin, but too much sebum can clog pores. 

When kissing, your partner’s sebaceous glands may transfer their oily substance to your face, especially around the lip line. If your partner runs a little oily (but their skin is happy like that) and you run dry, you might break out. 

Alternately, if they use skincare products that don’t suit your skin type, that may contribute to breakouts. To reduce risk, wash your face after prolonged close contact and avoid products that may clog pores.

I definitely experienced this (again, with my husband!). His skin is oily. And beautiful, and typically very very clear. He’s like the meme that goes “my skincare/my skin. my boyfriend’s skincare/his skin.” Where the boyfriend has stupidly glowy skin after washing his face with bar soap. 

But that oil did not suit my dry skin at all. What was keeping him glowy and clear was breaking me out big time, all around my mouth, jaw, and lower cheeks. 

This was like a decade before the trend for giving your boyfriend a skincare routine. (Which is good for him, because I would have given him the Proactiv I was using.) So I had to muddle my way through. When I went home from college for two weeks and my skin cleared up, I was no longer wondering, can kissing cause acne? I knew he was the culprit.

And I had to ask him to start washing his face! 

How to Ask Him to Wash His Face

I didn’t grow up a really assertive type of girl, so this was really hard for me. It felt awkward, and I was worried he would thing I was high-maintenance or annoying or whatever. 

Kids today? I think you have it easier! There’s more of an acceptance of skincare as a couples-type activity. But that doesn’t mean every partner is going to take it well. And I think that even today, some men would take it as a threat to their masculinity or whatever. Which is silly, but if it’s someone you care about, you don’t want to fight. 

Some people are really assertive and would have no trouble saying, “You’re breaking me out and you need to clean this mess up”. And I love that for them! 

But if you’re feeling less sure — something like, “Hey, I’m breaking out since we got together. Can I see your face wash to see if it’s causing it?”. 

If they say, “Sure, here it is,” you have an opening to recommend something to manage acne or oil.

And if they say, “I don’t use a face wash”? You say, “Ooooh, let me get you one!” 

(If it has to be something with masculine packaging, so be it. Who cares?)

I know it’s beyond hard to ask these awkward questions at first, but this is such an important thing to learn as you grow. 

So, can kissing cause acne? Yes, but there’s always something you can do!