I’ve been putting off this post because I was scared to write it! 

The truth is that there’s very little judgement out there about being a mom with a glass of wine in her hand, and a lot of judgment out there about being a sober parent. 

It invites a lot of people to speculate about you. They start to wonder about your alcohol addiction or your rock bottom or if you were driving drunk with your kids in the car. People imagine that there’s no reason to get sober unless you really messed up in some way that makes you different from them. 

I’ve never heard this speculation from anyone to my face, but before I got sober I heard it about others. Somehow the alcoholic mother is this scary, terrible figure in the popular imagination. 

Like, your kids must have been neglected.

Like, you must have treated them horribly.

(Pleased to say that I’ve made new friends! And of course all of these invented horror stories were rolled out on some wine night or other.)

The truth is that almost every parent thinking about getting sober has done some things she isn’t too proud of as a parent. But guess what — whether they’d admit it or not, every parent who’s not thinking about getting sober has too. Even the ones that don’t drink at all.

I’ve got some thoughts in here about being a sober parent, but sober mom quotes at the bottom of this post!

​Alcohol keeps us docile

Culturally, there’s just such mixed messages about who a mother is supposed to be. 

Selfless, generous, giving, supportive — but also “mommy needs a drink”! 

It’s like the alcohol culture around motherhood is a way of acknowledging how completely consuming the role can be. And that’s not a terrible thing in and of itself — we should be talking more about the unrealistic expectations put on parents, and moms in particular. 

But when alcohol dependence framed as “book club” or “support group” is the only support that’s actually offered to mothers, it limits us. People don’t drink to change their circumstances or improve their lives; they drink to cope. You don’t get a better life at the bottom of a bottle, but you get to shut up the voices of criticism or demand for a couple hours.

Placating women and selling them “wine mom” as a lifestyle is a way of keeping them docile and cooperative. You’re “blowing off steam” or “decompressing” in a way that doesn’t change the demands of your life at all. It turns the volume down for a couple hours, then makes you less able to function tomorrow. 

And somehow the sober mom in the group is the one with the problem? 

And listen, lots of people drink alcohol in moderation! Plenty of mothers are out there drinking one glass of wine with dinner or having a few cocktails once a month with friends. But, now that I’ve been doing the PTA social circuit for a few years now…it’s fewer than I always thought. 

Sober parenting is problem-solving parenting

I’m planning to write up my sobriety story eventually. Put super briefly, I was a grey area drinker. Indisputably drinking too much but still doing all the things I was supposed to be doing. No big bad thing ever happened. 

My oldest child was five when I got sober. I don’t think she’ll remember my drinking; we’ll see. You never know. 

But with three kids, in my first year back at work since they were born, teaching high school through the pandemic, something simply had to give. I quit drinking. And it turned out to be the best gift I could have given myself or my kids. Like, a day without substance abuse is a good day?

My stress levels fell almost immediately, and within the first month I found a level of emotional evenness that I hadn’t experienced since before puberty. 

And once i had that emotional balance, I was able to take the first step towards stabilizing my life. Then the second. And then the third. I wasn’t sitting in a dark place trying to put out fires anymore. Finally, I was able to be proactive. I was going in the right direction for the first time in a long time. 

It turned out a lot of my problems were solveable? But you couldn’t have told drinking me that. 

Sober me got my oldest child’s behavior under control. Sober me got my youngest assessed for a speech delay. And sober me walked them to the playground after dinner to get tired enough to fall right asleep at bedtime. Sober me has a lot of fun with her kids. 

Drinking me — I cringe to admit this — was often resentful of the kids. I feel some shame when I think about that now. 

But functioning as a parent was always available to me. I always had the inner strength to do things a better way. I just had to stop submerging it in alcohol. 

Sober mom quotes

I don’t have the sober mom squad that a lot of people describe! I wish I did! Though I do have a strong support system, I didn’t join a recovery group. 

So sobriety quotes are pretty important to me. They remind me that I’m not alone! And that at the end of the day, even if it was a bad day, other people have been where you are. Addiction recovery is hard work, but there’s a way forward for everybody. 

(If you’re looking for more, I’ve got 30 Days Sober Quotes to Inspire and Motivate You too!)

So, whether you’ve been sober for a while, you’re newly sober, you’re thinking about quitting drinking, or you’re looking to support a best friend or family member…here are some of my favorite sober mom quotes about sober parenting and being a sober mom. 

Best Sober Mom Quotes:

Jewel: “I am a better mom because I’m sober. I am present, I am engaged, I am here for my son.”

Glennon Doyle: “Being sober is the ultimate gift you can give yourself and your children.”

Kristin Davis: “Sobriety has given me the chance to be a better mother and a better person.”

Kelly Ripa: “Sobriety is my superpower.”

Demi Lovato: “I’m proud of how far I’ve come, but I’m more proud of how much I still have to go.”

Jamie Lee Curtis: “The greatest thing I ever did was getting sober. It gave me my life back.”

Elizabeth Vargas: “Living in recovery means I am present for my children and can truly enjoy the moments with them.”

Jada Pinkett Smith: “Getting clean is a process of facing who you are without anesthesia.”

Oprah Winfrey: “What I know for sure is that you feel real joy in direct proportion to how connected you are to living your truth.”

Erin Lee Carr: “Sobriety is a journey, not a destination, and it allows me to be the mother my children deserve.”

Stephanie Hutchins: “Your pain didn’t start with you, but it can end with you.”

Brené Brown: “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

Joyce Rebeta-Burditt: ​”Alcoholism isn’t a spectator sport. Eventually, the whole family gets to play.”

I’m proud of you! 

Whether you’re here to dip your toe in the idea of what sober parenting would look like, or you’re just here looking for an Instagram caption to celebrate your tenth year of sobriety, I’m proud of you. I hope these sober mom quotes helped you, wherever you are.

It is not easy to be a sober mom in a world that wants you to be a wine mommy. But there is a version of you that is doing one good thing at a time, taking control and building a life that you don’t need to medicate yourself to deal with. 

​If you do your best today, whatever that is, you did enough. 

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