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My sobriety has been one of the greatest gifts of my life, and I look forward to my “soberversary” every year. 

I’m getting close to three years sober, and as I get further in, my sober anniversary becomes more significant to me. Now that I am stable enough in my sobriety that it’s not front of mind for me every single day, the days where my sobriety is extra special are more meaningful. 

This year, as I’m getting closer to my soberversary, I’m feeling so much sympathy and empathy for that stressed out, struggling woman and how much she went through.  The sober sobriety anniversary wishes I want to give myself are all about how hard it actually was!

If you have a loved one who’s coming up on that soberversary, it can be really hard to know what to say and a lot of people struggle to find the right words. Here are some suggestions from my own experience, and the things I would have liked to hear as sober sobriety anniversary wishes.

This post has suggestions for what to say on someone’s first sober anniversary, a husband’s sobriety anniversary, a wife’s sober anniversary, and a friend’s sober anniversary, as well as what not to say on someone’s sobriety anniversary and some gifts for a sobriety anniversary. 

And if you are still in the first 30 days of your sobriety? This can be you someday, and I am rooting for you! You’ll be getting your own sober sobriety anniversary wishes someday.

Sobriety can be hard to talk about

We don’t really have a great way to talk about sobriety! Substance abuse is so, so common, but as a culture, we don’t really know how to acknowledge all the hard work that goes into the recovery journey. 

It can feel rude or hard to talk about! A lot of people shy away from talking about someone’s sober anniversary because it can feel like you’re bringing up a sore subject or reminding the person how they used to be. 

A lot of people want to support their friend or family member, but they’re not totally sure that they’re doing the right thing by bringing up something that was probably pretty painful in the past. 

Or, they work about saying the wrong thing, especially if it’s the person’s first year of sobriety. 

I think these are real concerns, and I don’t want to diminish them! But I would say this: if your sober person told you their sobriety anniversary, or if you are close enough to them to know and remember their sobriety date, your words of encouragement will probably mean a lot to them. They might like to hear sober sobriety anniversary wishes from you.

However your sober person went through their recovery, there are challenges! And sobriety is good work, but hard work, no matter what path they take. And a little bit of recognition is so helpful to people in that struggle. When it feels hard to find the right words, remember that your support and love is one of the most powerful tools that your loved one has to stay sober. 

What to say on someone’s first sobriety anniversary

The first year of sobriety is a whirlwind. Depending on the severity of their addiction, they may have experience physical withdrawals as well as emotional consequences when they quit their substance abuse. 

The first year of sober life is an incredibly important milestone. They will have gone through significant struggles, but also probably seen immensely positive changes as they began their sober life. 

The first year of sobriety has a lot of tough times but also a lot of personal growth. Your sober friend may have changed a great deal. 

Sample messages for things to say on people’s first sobriety anniversaries:

• I am so happy for you and so proud of everything you’ve done for yourself. (Or, “..everything you’ve done for yourself and our family.”) 
• You have done an amazing job getting sober, and I’m so glad to call you my _____. (friend, partner, brother, whatever)
• One year down, so many happy years and so many positive things ahead!

If you grew up in a family where people didn’t express their feelings, and the above suggestions seem too touchy-feely for you, try just saying 

• Happy sober birthday! I love you. 

I would suggest that for someone who is in their first year of sobriety you not bring up anything that they did when they were drinking. Shame and embarrassment are part of the fuel for almost every alcoholic. Part of the long-term sobriety journey for every addict is learning to manage those feelings of shame, but someone with only one year under their belt really may not have that under control yet. 

It may seem funny to you to bring up that night out, and you know your own sober person best. But be thoughtful about bringing up that old story. If they bring up “the bad old days”, though, you know you’re okay to talk about it. It’s just not a great place to start your sober sobriety anniversary wishes.

What to say on a friend or family member’s sober anniversary 

If it’s their first sobriety anniversary, scroll up and check out the previous section first. But if your family member has been in recovery from alcohol addiction or drug addiction for a while and you want to mark their recovery, a call or quick text is a great gift to that person. 

For a friend or family member that is less close to you, try something like

• Happy sober birthday! We are proud of you!
• Congratulations on # years! You are doing a great job.
• Your sobriety is so inspiring. Congratulations on your sober anniversary.

And for a friend or family member that is More close, try

• You have been so strong through all of this and I am so glad to have been here with you. Congratulations on # years. You got this.
• I am so proud of the woman you’ve become. Through all the struggles you have always been an inspiration to me, and you have become an amazing, powerful sober woman. Congratulations!
• All the struggles we’ve been through, I wouldn’t have picked anyone else to go through it with. I know how hard you’ve worked on your sobriety and I know that you’re going to keep succeeding, growing, and getting stronger in the years to come. Happy sober anniversary.

What to say on a husband or wife’s sobriety anniversary

These can be the most difficult! It’s very easy to say to someone speaking to a friend, “don’t make it about you, keep it about your friend’s sobriety anniversary”! But in the context of a marriage or long relationship, the person’s addiction was very much an influence on how the relationship is going, and often the spouse and children, if there are any, bear the brunt of someone’s addiction and wait on tenterhooks to see if their recovery will last. 

If your spouse has gotten sober just this year, I still think it’s a good idea to go gently and to avoid bringing up all the things that happened in the past during that day. In an ideal world, you and your spouse would be talking about those things regularly (though honestly my husband and I did not in the beginning of my sobriety! He was the child of an alcoholic parent and was absolutely terrified to discuss it, and I was well into my second year before he was able to talk about it). If you are regularly talking about your partner’s sobriety, put those conversations on pause for one day to celebrate the accomplishment. If you aren’t…make those conversations a priority, but consider not starting on this specific day.

As far as things to say to your spouse on their sober anniversary, consider trying to be specific to what has changed this year. 

Sample Wishes

• I am grateful to have a true partner in you, even in the little things like ______ (making dinner, doing bedtime, remembering to take out the recycling).
• This year has been the best year of our marriage (or) I am the happiest I’ve been in our marriage since _____  (our trip to Paris, we were newlyweds). 
• I know you put a lot of work in to get us here, and I know there’s work ahead, but I am proud of you (or) our whole family is proud of you.
• You have given our children the gift of a present dad, and means everything.

The truth is that there is a lot of pain involved in being the partner of an addict, and it doesn’t magically go away when they get sober. If you are looking to support your partner on their soberversary, please make sure that you are checking in with your own feelings and taking care of yourself–you may find that your own complicated feelings and memories start to bubble up around the year mark too.

What to avoid saying to a person on their recovery anniversary

Honestly, your person is going to know you meant well and isn’t likely to take things the wrong way. But here’s some information that might help you feel more confident:

• Not every sober person uses alcoholics anonymous, and even if they do, they may not go to meetings on a daily basis! There are a lot of different recovery groups and many different ways of reaching sobriety. So unless you were there when your person was going through their early addiction recovery, don’t make assumptions about what their recovery process was like. The gift of an AA t-shirt may not be appropriate or feel good to your recipient.
• Addicts are often self-critical, and getting sober doesn’t always change that. When I was in the first year of my recovery, people praised my lifestyle changes and I felt like I was deceiving them somehow. Like I was still somehow the same nasty little goblin inside, I was just now wearing gym clothes and my eyes weren’t bloodshot anymore. Focusing on what they’ve done rather than some magical transformation they are supposed to have gone through can avoid setting off feelings of self-doubt. 

Sobriety gift ideas

Sober Anniversary Cards

There are actually a shocking number of companies that make sober greeting cards, and some even specialize in the sobriety anniversary card. So if you struggle to know what to say and your sober person lives far away, good news! You don’t need to say anything directly, just send a sober anniversary card in the mail. 🙂

Many of the cards come with inspirational quotes or sober quotes — there are a lot of “funny sobriety quotes” if that’s a little more your person’s speed.  Etsy is a great place to start searching.

For example:

I love this 99 problems card! The lack of hangovers must be one of the best upgrades of sobriety.

I love this “sobriety looks so good on you” card too — this one is so kind and positive.

This card comes in a lot of neon colors and is specific to the one-year sober milestone!

If you scroll etsy, there are a lot of other cards that either lean a lot more on profanity or on messages like “just think on this day years ago you were a mess”. There are 100% people for whom this message would be taken well, so it’s not like I don’t think those cards should exist. I just don’t want to recommend them to strangers on the internet, you know?

Sober Anniversary Gifts

My favorite sober gift for women is this “sober badass” bracelet— To me, this is an ideal gift because you know what it means, the recipient knows what it means, but she can wear it every day without constantly having to explain her sobriety or to be an “out” sober person in every space in her life. 

There’s also this “smells like one year sober” candle from Amazon — the scent says ‘lavender vanilla’ on the site even though the label says ‘mahogany teakwood’. This candle has no reviews as of my writing this post, but the company’s other candles have 4-5 star reviews so I might give this one a try the next time someone in my life hits this milestone! (Honestly this was one of the ONLY sober gifts I could find without profanity…we’re trying to keep this a family site…ish.)

And I am so charmed by this happy soberversary banner — if you live with your sober person, this is a really lovely way to commemorate the day. (And if you grew up in an alcoholic family like mine, this banner might get almost as much use as a ‘happy birthday’ banner!)

Final thoughts – sober sobriety anniversary wishes

I hope some of these suggested messages help you show love for your sober loved one. Don’t worry too much about saying the exact perfect thing. Just remember that your support helped them get sober, and it’ll help them stay sober.

I hope you’re right back here next year, looking for a new idea because your person has achieved a whole nother year of sobriety! <3